because maybe its a better idea to pick my one word at the end of the year
Happy January to you all. Happy New Year, happy new beginnings, happy continuation, happy getting back to it, or happy starting over and, for today, happy sunshine to us. It's a beautiful sight to see outside my window when the ground is still a soggy mess and there have been not one, but two professionals at our home to deal with flooding through the walls of our youngest two's bedroom due to the insanity of wet the end of 2018 and the beginning of 2019 brought. Nothing like starting the year being told that you must completely rip apart an entire bedroom so that the foundation in the basement of an old home can be corrected before you put said room back together again. These are the times where you remind yourself that you are blessed to have a home and that you were the one who purposely pursued an older home with character. You know what builds character? Flooding...apparently, but plenty of others as well.
For years, I have chosen a word focus for the new year, and I loved it so much I continued to do it even when it became the "thing" to do. That says a lot about my fondness for this tradition. Last years word, Gentle, held a great desire in my life to follow. The past had taken it's toll on the mental fuse that sparks frustration and I so wanted to get a handle on it again, I wanted to be healed from the panic that set off exasperation and, frankly, anger, when anything unexpected occurred from children's attitudes to schedule setbacks to sporting events.
It was an admirable word on which to fixate, but halfway through the year, after months of concentrating and trying, it seemed as if it would be a futile attempt, at least, that is, until August rolled around. What changed in August? Well, that was when after almost two years of feeling the push within my heart, I began writing the book God placed within me to write. It was with that act of obedience that the gentling within my spirit began.
There truly “is just no better place to be than in the middle of God’s will.” Follow this link for more on that little lesson I learned from an unexpected source.
Why the backstory? Because, a few days ago, as I was pondering and praying over a word to focus on for 2019 and thought about last year and how even though I chose the word gentle with great care, it ended up not feeling right, like maybe there was a different direction I was supposed to have gone in. And then, while reading last year's thoughts on the matter for more insight, these words existed within them, "Each new year there is a challenge to find a new word, phrase, or idea to ponder upon and grow in. For a few months I thought I had it nailed. I have alluded to things I have not yet finished that God has asked of me and just “knew” that Finish was my word of 2018. However there was the thought, are we ever truly finished this side of heaven? Besides the fact that I do not have a desire to be “finished” this year in that respect if you catch my drift, when those tasks are completed, and even if they aren’t, He will ask different things, new things, that will then need to be finished. No, finish is not it."
Except, maybe it was, because finish was exactly what I had needed to do to complete, well improve upon, the task of gentleness that I had given myself.
Realization hit. Might I possibly have been doing this one word thing wrong all along. Could it be that instead of looking forward to what I think God is asking me to do in the year to come, I should look backward and pinpoint what He has already done in the year before and let that carry me forward into the next thing. Because prayed up or not, best intentions or not, my thoughts are not as high as his thoughts and my ways are not as high as his ways and no matter how hard I try, my sinful flesh can wheedle it's way into anything, even into letting fear overtake my judgement of choosing a word so that I do not have to choose the word he wants me to choose because that means opening myself up into a new world of possible failure and repeated rejections. You still with me after that twisted pretzel of a thought?
I love a clean slate. I love a blank calendar. I love a to-do list thoughtfully written down and ready to be checked off. But, that can mean that I also love to fill my life with my plans and my desires and leave very little room for surprises. Whitespace, quiet, retreating, is where the hearing happens. The moments we, like Jesus, sit in the Garden, falling at the feet of the Father, ready to hear his will, or ready to take the cup that has already been passed to us because the foundations of previous years are set in place.
Hindsight is 20/20 and in the midst of looking at the what was, the what has been done, gives not just a glimpse, but a proven picture of the ways in which God was with you, protecting, caretaking, fulfilling His promises, while holding you firm, steady, truly unshaken despite the temporary shakiness you may, at times, have felt. My physical vision is atrocious, my future telling vision is nonexistent, but my hindsight into the life God has created and led me through so far is perfectly seen even if the meaning of all is not.
At the risk of sounding completely hypocritical, my word for this year is Remember. We never know what a new year holds, but for me this one seems even more up in the air, I'd wager to say I'm not alone in that. There will be opportunity for some exciting newness, but those same goals that could bring success might instead bring frustrating road blocks. I just do not know, I never know, but this year I feel the unknown in a deeper way, feel the risks taking their form and wondering on which side of the line I will fall.
That is why I must remember, why we must remember. For He is faithful, for He is steadfast, for He who calls us equips us, for He who began us completes us, For He never fails even if and when we feel like failures, for He holds on even when we let go, for He takes us through our days and takes our every choice and masterfully weaves it into the plan He has had all along.
Whether you choose one word or not, whether you wait at the end to reflect or not, whether the what you see now looks as if it cannot possibly become useful in the future, I pray you will Remember His promises, Remember His Truths, Remember His faithfulness from the past that carries you into the future. Pray for me.