because we're not listening part 4: when we listen, we learn

Hey, Listen!  No, I’m not trying to get your attention.  I’m trying to give a command.  Listen! This is the reminder being given to me lately, the words slowing entering my soul telling me of my job as one of God’s children.  I am placed in this time and in this place for many a reason, but one in particular that keeps coming back again and again is the request of me to listen.  To model that skill, to create a domino effect of others exercising that skill, to show how God brings peace in the midst of chaos through that one tiny, but not so tiny, act.  Listening.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19

I am the queen of clarification texts and emails. You know, those messages you send after the first messages you send to explain what you said in the first message so that no one misreads, misinterprets, or misunderstands your meaning and especially your tone. Blame it on the feeling I get when I receive a 'K as an answer to a well thought out missive instead of an Ok, great! The attitude may very well be the same behind either of those responses, but that one letter reply mocks me and sends me into more than a few minutes of self exploration and pep talking about the status and health of the relationship with the person who pressed send.Communication is tricky in any form. Actually, anything is tricky when one sinful, even if well-meaning, person is put together with another, equally sinful if also well-meaning, person regardless of the circumstance. When all of your baggage plus gifts plus personality comes up and tries to relate to another person with all of their baggage plus gifts plus personality it's shocking that chaos does not ensue more often than it does.It's honestly divinely intervening Grace that enables any, not only civil but life-giving, interactions to take place.It is because of this that the art of listening, the need for listening, became a banner I wanted to wave. Said banner may currently be more of a torn piece of poster board with fading magic marker rather than a Leslie Knope original, but progress is progress and growth should always be a goal.Starting with just admitting that listening skills were something we needed to work on and then following that up with understanding what truly keeps us from listening well were the foundation our hearts and minds needed before allowing the two things, humility and habit, to enter that space inside and begin to cultivate listening within our lives.So what now, well now we get to gain. Robert Baden-Powell said, "If you make listening and observation your occupation, you will gain much more than you can by talk." Through listening, we get to gain relationship, gain information, gain a skill set, gain fellowship, etcetera and etcetera. But most importantly we get to gain grace for ourselves, grace for others, and our Heavenly Father gets to gain glory as we shine His light in the act of letting another get their words out to listening ears.Recently, in a conversation with semi-new parents they were admitting their desire for their babe to grow older faster so the child could communicate, a.k.a so their kid could just tell them what they need instead of just being able to cry while they fumble around and guess! However, the slightly more seasoned parents chimed in with the typical "be careful what you wish for" warning and preceded with the never gets old anecdotes about a child asking why a million times in a row, or what's that while pointing to anything in view, or watch this before preceding to jump off of something and then repeating the scenario for thirty more minutes. As an even slightly more seasoned parent, I have a different bent on the conversation.Being a mom requires a lot of speaking, A LOT of speaking. There is a constant using up of words in short periods of time with the seemingly constant need for corrections, reminders, directives, positive reinforcements and, let's face it, frustrated vents. But, as my children grow older words do not just come forth from them in as steady a fashion as from the toddler who is just beginning to discover their surroundings. It is only in spurts that conversations from older kids become deeper than just the answering of questions, discussing of the schedule, or getting basic highlights of the day. In the moments where my middle son gets time with one of us alone and begins to let his words about all of life fly or when my older son becomes a chatterbox after the usual bedtime hour, my parenting needs, NEEDS, to be about listening.Be quick to listen, as James instructs us, because when you listen, you learn. All the words streaming forth teach you about the person whose mouth is uttering them. Every phrase, emotion, facial expression, and tonal change is telling a story, a story of this person's feelings, their emotions, their fears, their passions. When I listen, I learn. I learn what might really be hidden behind the anger expressed. I learn who brings out the best in them and who makes them doubt themselves. I learn what they love and know they are good at and what I know they are good at but they can't quite see. And, I learn, when I listen closely, how I have missed the mark in my parenting and effected their little hearts in ways I have never intended. When we listen, we learn, and then, only then, can we truly help.Proverbs 13:13 warns us that if one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. Oh the folly we each have found, but thankfully, knowing we will all fall short, we are given Grace through Christ.While the person credited for the quote usually goes to Einstein, there has been much debate on whether or not it was from him. Either way, the meaning behind it is clear. "If given an hour to solve a problem," 'someone' says, "I would spend the first 55 minutes defining the problem, then the last five minutes solving it routinely." When transferred to the act of listening and taking into account the scriptures we have looked at throughout these last four weeks, if we only have an hour to spend with a person, spend 55 minutes listening and then the last 5 responding.We like to jump in and help, we like to rise to the occasion, we like to walk away with the feeling that we have done our duty and checked that good deed off the list. But, in that scenario, is the other person who is walking away feeling the same euphoria we are. Did our listening enhance their well being or did our actions and words usurp their ability to share.My husband is a helper, lots of husbands are that way. They see a problem, they want to fix it, preferably before tears come out of our eyes, because tears quite frankly scare the hell out of them at times. But, I cannot tell you the number of times our conversations have turned into arguments because I just wanted him to listen. For those of you who can relate, let me give you a tip. If you do listen, and listen all the way through, at the end we might be more inclined to listen back with whatever words you want to use to help. YoungLife's motto was to earn the right to share the gospel. Meaning listen, build a relationship and then the path will be paved to share the gospel to another's heart. Listening paves the way to more places than your words can do alone.I am praying for you. I am praying for your hearts that desire to listen and I am praying for your minds as they develop the skills to be good listeners. We are not alone in this, we cannot be alone in this. With us is a Father who created our needs to hear and be heard, with us is a Savior that lets us know that even when that does not happen we are full when we are in Him, and with us is a Spirit that is placed there to guide us and renew us and pick us up when we fail as these inner dispositions change to be more like Christ. Pray for me If you missed any posts in this series on listening check out the links below and if you don't want to miss any in the future scroll down to the bottom of the site and subscribe to receive my weekly posts by email.Part 1Part 2Part3