because we're not listening part 3: two things crucial to listening well

Hey, Listen!  No, I’m not trying to get your attention.  I’m trying to give a command.  Listen! This is the reminder being given to me lately, the words slowing entering my soul telling me of my job as one of God’s children.  I am placed in this time and in this place for many a reason, but one in particular that keeps coming back again and again is the request of me to listen.  To model that skill, to create a domino effect of others exercising that skill, to show how God brings peace in the midst of chaos through that one tiny, but not so tiny, act.  Listening.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19

If you read last weeks post, did you survive it? I hated to leave you hanging with that 'to be continued' moment. Dwelling in our weaknesses is a hard place to sit, but with it comes a worthwhile perspective that wouldn't be possible without the difficult pondering. Highly successful athlete and coach Ben Bergeron has commented on how exciting it is to find weaknesses because in his words, "once we find a weakness, we can work on it." Paul tells us a similar thing in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." So delight in this with me friends, that every time we find a weakness Christ's power in us grows. As we diminish, He increases. That is the balance scale that I want to have!

But, admitting is only the first step and recognizing what is not going well is the second. There are more to go. You cannot just remove, one must also replace. We are not strong because we recognize our weakness, we are strong because our weakness is replaced by Christ's strength. So now that we have begun to identify why we may not listen, we must determine what will help us listen well. There are two crucial components in listening well, the first is humility, the second is habit.

Having Humility

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. Romans 12:3

Over and over again this idea of humility is presented to us in scriptures. In Colossians being humble is a command, "Therefore," it says, "as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." In Philippians 2;3-4 we are commanded again to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."

But have no fear, even though this seems like a tall order, we are capable of this if we are in Christ.  It would not be commanded of us if we did not have the capacity to do it.  This capacity comes from in whom we are resting, because with Him we can do all things and in Him we have a high priest who understands what we are going through because He gave us the greatest example of humility.

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:5-8

Humility deals with how we perceive ourselves. Humility does not mean you don't think you are a worthwhile and purposeful being, quite the contrary. Humility is knowing you are loved by God through His Son so much that because of that never ending flow of love you do not have to seek it out from others by making much of yourself. Therefore, it means that in your earthly relationships you understand that you do not have to be what's most important.

When you go forth in humility, seeking out the best for another, and serving them instead of yourself being a good listener will inevitably occur. My favorite thing about Jesus is that almost all change needed in life comes from abiding in Him. When you start there your inner dispositions in other things change almost automatically. He does the change in you, not you in yourself. Our job is to recognize in what ways have we gotten in the way of letting those changes occur and then walking with Him as they are developed.

To listen well to those people who are pouring their words out to you, to listen well to those people who are using their words to advise you, we must simply put them first, put them above us, serve them in that moment with our humility of Spirit. Recognizing the need of another because we understand in Christ all our needs are met gives us the Grace and ability to listen well.

Creating a Habit

There's grace in every venture, so in the quest of listening well, where there is failure, give yourself grace.  And, there will be failure.  We do not change overnight.  As much as we would love to come to the conclusion of what our weaknesses are and have them immediately turn into strengths, that is a rare miracle.  Usually, our lessons and our quest for wisdom and our ability to live out what we are called to do is all through progression.  One thing leads to another which leads to another and in the middle of it all there are still missteps, turn arounds, and the occasional stuck spots like the licorice spaces that kept your halted in candy land until you drew a card of the same color.

Proverbs 24:16 tells us that "for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again..."  The best part about that verse is knowing that the righteous WILL fall.  It is inevitable.  Our sanctification, the process in which we become more like Jesus, is a lifelong procedure.  But get up, because the foolish, it goes on to say, are the ones who stay down.

The best way to start a habit of listening is to start listening.  Take the knowledge of the reasons you do not listen, let the lesson of humility wash over you as you allow Jesus in to create change in that inner disposition, and then practice, practice, practice.  Some days will be easy, some days virtually impossible, some days will have great success, some days will feel like constant failings.  But rise again knowing that He who calls you equips you and He who began this good work in you will be faithful to complete it.It will be worth it because as we will discuss next, when we listen we learn and because we listen we will be able to do greater things.

Until then, I pray that you will have embraced your weaknesses so that in them you will be made strong through humility of self and love for another.  Pray for me.

For part one in this series follow this link. For part two, here. If you want to make sure you don’t miss the next in the series of listening, please scroll down to the bottom of this site and subscribe to get the posts emailed to you each week.