because you need a pocket of people: words of encouragement for a going back to school mama
I am a mom. I have been for 13+ years now and it is the most gratifying, exhausting, sanctifying, frustrating, demanding, fulfilling...and on and on with almost any and all -ing words available that completely contradict one another. If you are a mom, know a mom, have a mom, see a mom, help a mom, or are friends with a mom you can could most likely come up with your own list without much effort.
Moms tend to put themselves in categories. Mom of boys, mom of girls, dance mom, soccer mom, baseball mom, honor roll mom, CrossFit mom. We, or they, depending upon your outlook, separate this subgroup of the female persuasion into little pockets. At times, these pockets we are placed in cause strife and division as public school mom, homeschooling mom, stay at home mom, working mom, breastfeeding mom, formula mom, always has snacks mom, hot mess express mom looks upon the other with envy or distaste, judgement or fear. Many a blog, article, Facebook post, tweet, and all the rest of the ways social media connects our words and thoughts to others, has been written about this topic. My goal today is not to throw my hat into that ring, except to say the all too familiar, but still bears repeating, phrase that ¨comparison is the thief of joy,¨ and as long as we feel we are understanding God´s call on our lives and are glorifying Him in what we do than we can rest in the peace abiding in Him brings no matter what group we put ourselves in or are put in by another.
While there are countless ways that have been found to throw rocks at the seemingly never ending assortment of categories that can emerge, I instead want to talk about the beauty of finding those with whom you fit. There is a reason for the gravitational pull toward a group of women, and believe it or not, it´s not always to just chastise the group next to you who sees and lives life in a different way (just to clarify, it should NEVER be for that reason!)
Our hearts long for community and having a community of varied opinions, personalities, strengths, and skills challenges you and grows you into a more thoughtful and compassionate person, but there are also times where you need a community around you that can given empathy, and not just sympathy, because they understand personally the challenges and successes you are going through, because they have felt them too. For that reason, I am reaching out today to a little pocket of people I have been placed in/placed myself in this past year. I´m sure many of these thoughts are relatable to the majority, but they are personally and lovingly crafted for you, my fellow going back to school mamas.
I have recently had the pleasure and privilege of seeing in great number fellow mom friends who are either finishing a college degree for the first time, furthering their education within their already chosen field, or starting a new profession entirely. They each have individually and all collectively been my inspiration to get going, my motivation to keep going, and my proof that there is an end, eventually. So for you, my friends, here are ten things I have learned in this process that I hope will both bring you encouragement and a moment of humor so that you know you are not alone. Your pocket of people feels you!
1. College, the first time, wasn´t that hard after all. I am not making light of the huge transition college is in the life of a late teen. You are stepping out on your own for the first time in a new world, new place, new people. SO MUCH NEW. But, as scared and insecure as 18-22 year old Sarah was, she still had a home she didn´t have to pay for, a car that she could take wherever she wanted to go, full decision making on when and where she ate, seemingly endless quiet hours in which to work, and the laundry of only one person. Balancing classes and assignments around three boys´ sports, music, school, friend, ninja, and other extracurricular activities while also shopping, cooking, cleaning, showering, sleeping, working, and putting together the occasional coherent sentence with other adults ain´t no joke.
2. Big words are hard to remember. Three pregnancies and the lack of a paid profession for an extensive period of time sucked out my entire semi-impressive vocabulary, and left me with only words that children can understand. This isn´t as difficult when I am in my writing mode as Google and Thesaurus.com are readily available to make me sound more intelligent than I actually am, not to mention my wonderful husband who readily lists off choices when I yell to him from my desk, ¨Babe what´s that word that means ____________ and starts with the letter _________.¨ At least one of us has a fully functioning vocabulary. The time this proves the most difficult is when I am reading an article written by a person who wants to prove that the letters behind their name were well earned so they decide to choose words based on their length instead of their readability. I would like to officially thank my Google Home Mini for not getting frustrated when I repeatedly ask it the same unnecessarily long words over and over as I pray they eventually become ingrained in my memories.
3. The perfect studying scenario doesn´t happen. The movie moment of carrying your cute backpack with your colorful hydroflask in hand walking up the steps to the library and holing away studying for hours at a time while twisting your hair absentmindedly while you concentrate all your attention on the assignment at hand is almost laughable. I have myself or seen my friends with notebooks, laptops, papers, and pens spread out on the benches next to their sons´ ball field, at the corner table at the trampoline park during a birthday party, on the dashboard of the car at a soccer tournament, inside the camper of a Disney Campground, on the bed of a lakehouse bedroom during an extended family vacation as well as on the table at the typical coffee shop or spread out on the kitchen table surrounded by dinner with the firm instructions to not get your food anywhere near my notes because moving everything seemed silly when you were going to sit right back down after the kids´ bedtime finally came. You do what you have to do when you have the time to do it because otherwise it doesn´t get done.
4. You are doing a million things at once and you will at some point feel like you suck at all of them. Don´t ask me how I get it all done, because the short answer is I don´t. When there are that many plates spinning, that many balls being juggled, that much snow you are lying under you will definitely dodge shattered glass, get hit in the face, and start getting cold. Truth, friends, you ARE doing a million things at once (ok, maybe not a million exactly) but you DO NOT suck at all of them. Yes, some things may fall to the wayside one week. Yes, you may eat more frozen pizza and take out than normal. Yes, you may get frustrated and snap at your child or your husband or the freaking cat who stares at you for food after you just fed her. Breathe, Pray, Apologize if you hurt another, and be thankful for new mercies that come every morning.
5. You can´t have life as it used to be and add new things. This was a hard lesson learned as I laid in bed at my parents house a week before Christmas hyperventilating because I was too exhausted to read the questions of a quiz that had to be finished within the hour. Continuing all the normal Christmas traditions for my boys, plus adding in new ones with my PreKers plus keeping up with Grad School about did me in. It was a hard lesson but it was a good one too. Life cannot stay the same and change at the same time. Its impossible. General rules from any home organizer will tell you that when you bring something new home you need to get rid of something as well. Everything won´t fit. As time moves on and you get closer to the end of your degree the hard work you put in will result in something new. A new job, a new profession, a new role at work. You don´t have to throw out all the old when you bring in the new, but you might have to get rid of a little.
6. Crying randomly is a natural occurrence. Just in case you did not pick it up from #4 and #5 let me hit you with it again. This will be hard. Hard things make you cry. Well, hard things make me cry. So do sad things, happy things, mean things, beautiful things and so on, but hard things are definitely on the list. Randomly crying while sitting in a chair reading a textbook chapter or an article might happen. You literally might be completely fine during one paragraph and lose it two paragraphs later. You´re not crazy, don´t worry. Just keep going if you can still see through the tears or get up and get a tissue and a piece of chocolate before you start reading again. By the end of the reading assignment all will be well because you will be able to mentally check at least one thing off the list!
7. Ask for help, accept help. These are two completely different things and they are both equally important. Remember how you are trying to do a million things at once. It´s probably not necessary for you to do all million of those by yourself. I bet if you asked someone to help you one of them they would say yes, and if they would say yes, someone else probably would too. Look around you, look at the community God has given you, whether they are in this little pocket or not. They quite possibly could be just sitting their waiting to help and don´t know how. Ask them. And if someone asks you if they can help, say yes. You don´t have to prove that you are amazingly super human by doing it all. Like I said earlier, it´s not all getting done anyway. Accept the help, be thankful for the help. We´re here to bear each other´s burdens, don´t always be the one who takes the yoke, let other´s have some too.
8. You get to buy cute notebooks and brightly colored pens again and don´t have to justify the purchase. It´s bright side time! The whole process is not the worst, in fact it´s pretty awesome when you average it out. One reason is because you get to go shopping for fun notebooks, binders, pens, post its, paper clips and all the other school girl paraphernalia. If Lisa Frank was still an option, you best believe my table would be scattered with a brightly colored trapper keeper instead of the basic three ring binder I usually settle for.
9. It´s all worth it. I´m not done yet. I have a WAYS to go, but I can already tell it´s going to be worth it. All the big words and crazy studying spots and random crying and packs of copy paper, all of it is worth it. How do I know? Because...
10. You will discover new pieces of yourself. There is a good chance that you are doing the work you are doing because you felt you were supposed to do it. If you are a believer, than you might have felt that God was directing you to this path. He is creating you to be the you He needs in this world. He so graciously invites us into His Kingdom work and that work requires training, whether just in our knowledge and understanding of Him and His Word or added to it, new skills that enable us to enter a different realm of where His work needs to be done. You will see your God, your Creator, who knew you and planned for you before the foundations of the world put His hand into every step of the way. And because of Him, you will see yourself learn and grow and stretch and accomplish. And those new pieces, those new skills and relationships and confidences that came because of your YES to this goal will give Him glory as you take them with you into the places He has already set up for you to go.
So, my little pocket of people, I am praying for you. I am praying for your endurance, for your dedication, for your frustration, and for your doubt. I am praying that you will see God´s hand in all that you do and trust that He has gone before you and will never leave you and through you He will accomplish big things. Pray for me.