because we're not listening: part one of a series
Hey, Listen! No, I'm not trying to get your attention. I'm trying to give a command. Listen!
This is the reminder being given to me lately, the words slowing entering my soul telling me of my job as one of God's children. I am placed in this time and in this place for many a reason, but one in particular that keeps coming back again and again is the request of me to listen. To model that skill, to create a domino effect of others exercising that skill, to show how God brings peace in the midst of chaos through that one tiny, but not so tiny, act. Listening.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; James 1:19
Hearing is easy. It's a nonchalant, almost involuntary reaction. Noises enter our ears at a constant rate all day long in every task we do. Life is a buzz of noises all coming simultaneously and we learn really quickly to either block them out by habit and sheer will power or by overwhelming ourselves with a noise greater than all the rest like the music we plug into our ears, but only using as a background to the actions we are involved in. But hearing the noises around you and listening to the one making them are far from the same thing.
When looking up verses about listening, I was overwhelmed with the number of times those who do not listen are called a fool. Which, should make us realize that it's not just bad manners to not put on our listening ears as many a Kindergarten teacher has reminded their students, it can be down right dangerous.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15
If one gives an answer before he listens, it is his folly and shame. Proverbs 18:13
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Proverbs 17:38
In the course of my life many an apology, many a spoiled moment, many a misunderstanding, many a misplaced word or reaction, many a missed opportunity have come from the lack of listening. But on the other side, many a hurt, many a frustration, many a "never-mind" uttered even when there was something good I wanted to say have come from not being listened to. I know both sides of this coin all too well and on neither side does it leave a person without hurt.
One seemingly typical afternoon at the gym resulted in a lot of extra pain due to not listening. Not paying attention to both the board where the workout was posted and the coach when he was explaining said workout kept me from counting the correct number of reps which meant I did A LOT of unnecessary lifting of a very heavy bar over my head. One should not trifle with heavy things over your head! I promise this mistake HURT!
Countless times in parenting I have reacted to a child incorrectly or even reacted to the incorrect child because of errors in listening and not calmly getting the full story of whatever went wrong before swooping in with justice. My mama heart hurts as I remember the faces of the falsely accused. My own heart hurts as I remember my own false accusals and the desire to just be listened to when trying to explain or even trying to understand myself the whys of my own actions and choices.
Example after example could come forth in story form of the hurt not listening has caused both myself and others in my own life. But more often than not, it is hearing the hurt caused in the life of another due to this non-listening epidemic that I feel deepest.
Recently, a friend, who is a Christian, texted me and, after a bit of a question and answer period around an article she had recently read, professed a fear of contacting another woman she knew, who is also a Christian, about seeing how she could help in a ministry. The fear came because she was afraid the different point of view she might carry would result in being immediately shut down instead of being listened to. And while in this particular case I don't think she has anything to fear, I also knew that the idea behind her fear was valid because of situations and reactions we see happening all around us.
When listening doesn't happen, hurt does. And when it happens, even just once, it sets a precedence in your mind, a new pathway inside your brain that goes off anytime you feel the danger of it happening again. Enough times and then the desire to speak diminishes and y'all we need to speak.
You see, when it comes to my children and myself, I know there is love that is covering those multitudes of sin, as Peter says. I know we can cry and talk and repent and forgive and hug and move on. The world does not always give that beautiful connection, the world often just has a wake of collateral damage in its path, the world is full of people trying to pick up the pieces of scattered feelings and shattered moments.
But Christians should not be part of that world, we are told not to conform to this world, but to be transformed by the renewal of our mind. That renewal already began if we are in Christ and each day we are renewed more and more as we abide in Him and the Spirit He placed within us changes these old inner dispositions so that we can bring Christ into all of it, even into listening.
This is not going to be solved today, It can't all even be explained today, this importance of listening and the reasons we aren't quite the best at it. Because of that, for the next several Happy Wednesdays I will be unpacking this idea and processing through why we don't listen, what things are crucial in our lives to be good listenings, what we learn when we do listen, and what we are able to do after our listening skills are honed.
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Until then I pray you start tuning it a bit more each day, I pray your hearing turns to listening, and I pray you are also listened to so that together we can fumble through these thoughts and ideas and come out on the other end better equipped because of what Jesus has enabled us to do. Pray for me.